It's even probably less pretty too.
Yes, definitely less pretty.
As a young girl, I recall a family member getting off the phone and saying to another family member, "Well....he's just not reliable." I can't recall who said this or who this was about or what it even regarded...but I imprinted this message on my heart at a young age: It is important to be reliable.
I knew that I didn't want anyone to ever say that I was flaky or wishy-washy or worst of all....not reliable.
I translated that to include keeping my word.
Because I took this as an important message to myself, I then began to expect this of other people.
Why would I do that?
Because if I had this standard for myself then surely other people had this same standard for themselves. Right?
As life happens, I have learned the very hard way that people do not always keep their word.
I'm not talking about swearing. I generally don't swear because
I grew up reading this verse-
Matthew 5:37
New King James Version (NKJV)
37 But let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes,’ and your ‘No,’ ‘No.’ For whatever is more than these is from the evil one.
And this one-
James 5:12
New Living Translation (©2007)
But most of all, my brothers and sisters, never take an oath, by heaven or earth or anything else. Just say a simple yes or no, so that you will not sin and be condemned.
I knew I didn't need to promise things or take an oath or swear. But I knew to just simply keep my word.
That means that in real life, I will even inconvenience myself to keep my word to someone else.
I will bend over backwards to not flake out.
Now that I have children, I have had to back out of things because of illness and nap times and that has not been easy for me to do. I have had to reassure myself that friends and family will understand.
When I married my husband, he saw commitments differently. He had no problem telling people no or backing out of things if he wanted to or just didn't really feel like going to an event.
That's not necessarily a bad thing but thankfully we were able to meet in the middle when it came to attending things.
Early on in our marriage, we would say yes to some plans, and then perhaps the time would arrive for the event and my husband would sometimes want to back out because of something else that seemed more appealing. I would gently remind my husband that we had committed to the event and we were going.
When Evan and I have talked about this, he says it's a good thing that I helped us keep our commitments. He says it helped him not be afraid of committing to things such as plans or events.
(And yes my sweet husband reads my blog posts...I like to have him proof read them for me.)
Now back to that standard I kept for myself...
I expected this of others because I expected them to expect this of themselves too. That's a whole lotta expectations.
Which brings us around to something that goes hand in hand with keeping my word...expectations...boy do those get me in trouble. Having high expectations of people in my life has brought me lots of disappointment. But WOW, when I have realistic expectations of others, I am always pleasantly surprised. So that might be another post too.
Back to keeping my word...I have had lots of disappointment in my life by people not keeping their word. It's brought me lots of grief and sadness and tears. It's been a hard lesson to figure out who the people are in my life who actually do keep their word and those who do not. (Let me clarify that I truly understand when someone has to back out due to a true reason such as unexpected illness and those times do not cause me grief or disappointment.)
Another scenario that gets to me:
Friend, family member, etc. suggests something they can or want to do for us without me asking for it.
Days/weeks/months go by and there is no follow up or follow through on said suggestion.
I then have to contact them to find out if said situation is going to happen.
The answer is usually no and frustration on my side ensues because I never suggested the idea in the first place, I got my hopes up(another problem) and I had to follow up...
Why does this irritate me so much and cause so much frustration and strife?
Probably because of the way it makes me feel...again I feel stupid.
I feel stupid because I should have seen this coming. I should have known this person was just talk. Other people probably knew this already about them but I gave them the benefit of the doubt. I assumed the best. I was stupid to get my hopes up and think that someone would want to do said thing for me. Why would anyone want to do that for me?
I also feel unworthy. Not important. Not worth the time.
Alas, it all comes back to the way I feel when the person does not follow through....has anyone ever told me I was stupid when this happened? No. It's another message I wrote on my heart.
I wrote that message when I was in college. My freshman year.
I was dating a guy for about a month.
It was Christmas vacation.
We had talked on the phone a couple of times while I was home. He was super sticky sweet and making me fall super more in-like.
He lived a few hours south of me.
I was planning to visit him during Christmas vacation.
I had a job during the holidays as a gift wrapper at a jewelry store.
I had cut my time short there so I could go see my boyfriend.
I hadn't heard from my him in a couple of days and I was planning to visit him very soon.
I tried calling him a couple of times and his mom answered. She was kind and I left a message.
Finally I reached him...he was distant and cold. I was trying to get answers as to why I hadn't heard from him and whether I would still be visiting.
He confessed-he had met someone else.
She was there with him.
Sitting in his lap.
He needed to go, he said his hands were full.
Here's where it gets cringe worthy...I asked the do you love her question...he said he didn't know...I asked if he loved me and his answer was "who knows if I ever loved you."
He said that I could visit him...we had planned it...he didn't follow through...he did not stick to his commitment with that or with our relationship. I felt incredibly stupid.
How could I not know that his word wasn't good? How could I not know that he would go from wooing me one week to cheating the next week? Why couldn't I see the signs?? Because I was stupid and certainly not worth it...not worth the wait.
These are lies I have told myself. These lies are not of God...they come from the complete opposite source.
First I have been working on dealing with these lies I tell myself and knowing they are not of God as I quoted in my previous post:
2 Corinthians 10:5
And
And this one-
James 5:12
New Living Translation (©2007)
But most of all, my brothers and sisters, never take an oath, by heaven or earth or anything else. Just say a simple yes or no, so that you will not sin and be condemned.
I knew I didn't need to promise things or take an oath or swear. But I knew to just simply keep my word.
That means that in real life, I will even inconvenience myself to keep my word to someone else.
I will bend over backwards to not flake out.
Now that I have children, I have had to back out of things because of illness and nap times and that has not been easy for me to do. I have had to reassure myself that friends and family will understand.
When I married my husband, he saw commitments differently. He had no problem telling people no or backing out of things if he wanted to or just didn't really feel like going to an event.
That's not necessarily a bad thing but thankfully we were able to meet in the middle when it came to attending things.
Early on in our marriage, we would say yes to some plans, and then perhaps the time would arrive for the event and my husband would sometimes want to back out because of something else that seemed more appealing. I would gently remind my husband that we had committed to the event and we were going.
When Evan and I have talked about this, he says it's a good thing that I helped us keep our commitments. He says it helped him not be afraid of committing to things such as plans or events.
(And yes my sweet husband reads my blog posts...I like to have him proof read them for me.)
Now back to that standard I kept for myself...
I expected this of others because I expected them to expect this of themselves too. That's a whole lotta expectations.
Which brings us around to something that goes hand in hand with keeping my word...expectations...boy do those get me in trouble. Having high expectations of people in my life has brought me lots of disappointment. But WOW, when I have realistic expectations of others, I am always pleasantly surprised. So that might be another post too.
Back to keeping my word...I have had lots of disappointment in my life by people not keeping their word. It's brought me lots of grief and sadness and tears. It's been a hard lesson to figure out who the people are in my life who actually do keep their word and those who do not. (Let me clarify that I truly understand when someone has to back out due to a true reason such as unexpected illness and those times do not cause me grief or disappointment.)
Another scenario that gets to me:
Friend, family member, etc. suggests something they can or want to do for us without me asking for it.
Days/weeks/months go by and there is no follow up or follow through on said suggestion.
I then have to contact them to find out if said situation is going to happen.
The answer is usually no and frustration on my side ensues because I never suggested the idea in the first place, I got my hopes up(another problem) and I had to follow up...
Why does this irritate me so much and cause so much frustration and strife?
Probably because of the way it makes me feel...again I feel stupid.
I feel stupid because I should have seen this coming. I should have known this person was just talk. Other people probably knew this already about them but I gave them the benefit of the doubt. I assumed the best. I was stupid to get my hopes up and think that someone would want to do said thing for me. Why would anyone want to do that for me?
I also feel unworthy. Not important. Not worth the time.
Alas, it all comes back to the way I feel when the person does not follow through....has anyone ever told me I was stupid when this happened? No. It's another message I wrote on my heart.
I wrote that message when I was in college. My freshman year.
I was dating a guy for about a month.
It was Christmas vacation.
We had talked on the phone a couple of times while I was home. He was super sticky sweet and making me fall super more in-like.
He lived a few hours south of me.
I was planning to visit him during Christmas vacation.
I had a job during the holidays as a gift wrapper at a jewelry store.
I had cut my time short there so I could go see my boyfriend.
I hadn't heard from my him in a couple of days and I was planning to visit him very soon.
I tried calling him a couple of times and his mom answered. She was kind and I left a message.
Finally I reached him...he was distant and cold. I was trying to get answers as to why I hadn't heard from him and whether I would still be visiting.
He confessed-he had met someone else.
She was there with him.
Sitting in his lap.
He needed to go, he said his hands were full.
Here's where it gets cringe worthy...I asked the do you love her question...he said he didn't know...I asked if he loved me and his answer was "who knows if I ever loved you."
He said that I could visit him...we had planned it...he didn't follow through...he did not stick to his commitment with that or with our relationship. I felt incredibly stupid.
How could I not know that his word wasn't good? How could I not know that he would go from wooing me one week to cheating the next week? Why couldn't I see the signs?? Because I was stupid and certainly not worth it...not worth the wait.
These are lies I have told myself. These lies are not of God...they come from the complete opposite source.
First I have been working on dealing with these lies I tell myself and knowing they are not of God as I quoted in my previous post:
2 Corinthians 10:5
New International Version (NIV)
5 We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.
I have to take every lie captive and make it obedient to Christ. I have to hold it up against who I am in Christ and what the Lord says I am and use that as the gauge.
2 Cor. 5:17 says:
New International Version (©1984)
Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!
Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!
And
Romans 12:2
New International Version (NIV)
2 Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.
The renewing of my mind is taking those thoughts to God and getting rid of those lies that the enemy uses against me.
Here's the aha moment:
When I renew my mind and take every thought captive, I know that God does not see me as unimportant, unworthy, or stupid. He sees me as holy and dearly loved:
Colossians 3:12-
New International Version (©1984)
Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.
And a final reminder of the Lord's truths to me:
John 8:32
New International Version (NIV)
32 Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.”
New International Version (©1984)
Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.
And a final reminder of the Lord's truths to me:
John 8:32
New International Version (NIV)
32 Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.”
Wow, Lord. I hear you. While typing this, scripture has been coming to mind that has helped reveal so much of how the Lord sees me. My eyes have welled up with tears.
To remember how the Lord sees me and not as the enemy wants me to see myself, when I am let down because someone has not followed through, I can allow my feelings not to deceive me and remind myself of the promises of God. Those are promises that are always kept.
With that, I will close with a hymn that I grew up singing...a song from my Southern Baptist roots-
Music: R. Kelso Carter, 1849-1926
Standing on the Promises
Text: R. Kelso Carter, 1849-1926Music: R. Kelso Carter, 1849-1926
Standing on the promises of Christ my King, through eternal ages let his praises ring; glory in the highest, I will shout and sing, standing on the promises of God. Refrain: Standing, standing, standing on the promises of Christ my Savior; standing, standing, I'm standing on the promises of God. 2. Standing on the promises that cannot fail, when the howling storms of doubt and fear assail, by the living Word of God I shall prevail, standing on the promises of God. (Refrain) 3. Standing on the promises of Christ the Lord, bound to him eternally by love's strong cord, overcoming daily with the Spirit's sword, standing on the promises of God. (Refrain) 4. Standing on the promises I cannot fall, listening every moment to the Spirit's call, resting in my Savior as my all in all, standing on the promises of God. (Refrain)
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