Hey Jealousy

Hey Jealousy...yeah you...the frenemie that keeps hanging around. You seem like you go away for a little while only to return undercover and then completely take me by surprise. I don't like you one bit....I am quite ready to tell you "Good Riddance" actually...

I recently shared with some trusted friends that I am now quite sure that jealousy is one of my strongholds. I wasn't quite sure a few months ago but I now can see with eyes wide open how much of a downward spiral it takes me in my mind when I open myself up and allow jealousy to take hold. I pick apart just about every part of my body in my mind and within 30 minutes I am feeling in despair and without any hope of ever feeling good about my body again.

Sometimes jealousy makes a sneak attack and blindsides me when I don't expect it and other times I know when it will show up and stride right in and walk away with any confidence or positive thoughts I had about myself.

It used to rear it's proverbial ugly head while I would look at blogs or Facebook. But then I learned to recognize what would resurrect it and started taking precautions to avoid it making an appearance.

I just stopped looking at those blogs and blocked newsfeeds of people on Facebook whom I knew would feed that jealous side in me. That seemed to work for a while until summer time hit and I had to go to the pool AND the beach.

Then I promptly decided, in my mind, that I just would avoid going to the pool...wait, what...I can't actually do that...my children will not get to go to the pool all summer because of stupid jealousy??

Jealousy is stupid and lame and every other foul word...even the ones I won't use on here.

Okay, so I can't avoid going to the pool for the rest of the summer or the rest of my life for that matter...that sure makes a boring life for my kiddos if I avoid that.

I had to do something different.

I had to get to the heart of the issue because blocking people on Facebook and avoiding blogs wasn't truly getting to the issue.

I reached out...
I was transparent.
I asked friends who seem to have confidence what they do when they see six pack abs and they don't feel jealous. I asked friends who I could trust and wouldn't remind me how much of a waist of time it is to be jealous. Safe friends.

I told them the way I usually handle jealousy is this way-I just figure out a reason that person has a better house than me or more obedient children and then I feel better!

But I couldn't wrap my mind around why someone would need a perfect body and therefore I couldn't figure out how not to think jealous thoughts about someone's seemingly perfectly fit figure.

Then my dear friend, Sonya, sent me this below when I emailed her about my struggle:

From Andy Stanley's book, It Came From Within:

"Envy is the art of counting the other fellow's blessings instead of your own." ~ Harold Coffin

"Ridding the heart of jealousy begins with this recognition:  The reason I resent her has nothing to do with her.  The problem is that I'm not getting what I want... Once you have isolated the problem, the rest is simple.  Not easy, but simple.  You take your old care, your small house, your hand-me-down dining room table, your forty inch waist, your eighteen inch television, your kinky hair, your dead end job, your poor health, and your less than stellar SAT scores to the only one who can do anything about it.  And once you get it all gthered up in one big pile of discontntment, you need to pour out your heart to him.  All your frustration.  All your discontentment.   Let God know that you know he could have done better by you.  Go ahead and tell him how unhappy you've been with the way he's made you and treated you.  He can handle it.  Then summarize it this way:  Lord, to sum it up:  I think you owe me.  Now if you find it a bit daunting to look God in the eye and accuse him of owing you something, you are on the verge of a breakthrough.  At the heart of jealousy is the lie that God owes us.  When we come to God with our disappointments and discontentment we will find mercy and grace (Hebrews 4:15-16).  Lay your burden down at the feet of the only one who can do anything about it.  That is the internal piece.  Externally you need to get in the habit of celebration.  Celebrating the success of those you envy will allow you to conquer those emotions that have the potential to drive a wedge in the relationship.  It's much easier to behave your way into a new way of thinking than to think your way into a new way of behaving.  Don't wait until you feel like celebrating; celebrate until you feel like it.  Refuse to be taken prisoner by emotions that don't reflect reality. "

Those parts in bold-they spoke to me-they spoke to my core-they spoke to my issue.

Yep, I figured God owed me and I was mad about it. Why can't I have perfect abs instead of a diastasis recti after having 3 babies? Why can't I have perfect skin and why can't I have a perfectly toned body like other moms I see? I don't understand...don't I deserve all that especially when I eat well and exercise? Shouldn't all my work add up to something perfect??

I realized that I couldn't really say all of that to the Lord with a straight face and believe it. I was on the verge...and then I read the bottom portion...

After reading that part, I realized that it wouldn't be too hard for me to thank the Lord for giving another mom a couple of obedient, compliant children who sleep through the night from day 1. Or even thanking the Lord for blessing that mom with so much money that she's always dressed fabulously.
But to thank Him for giving that mom great abdominal muscles so that she looks amazing in a bikini?? I couldn't fathom it. That just seemed impossible.

Maybe I needed to wait till I believed it to actually say that prayer.

But that paragraph said to behave my way into a new way of  thinking rather than to try to think my way into a new way of behaving. 

Hadn't I done that with exercising? I didn't wait till I really wanted to exercise and loved it...I started exercising and then the good feelings came. 

So, I said it...I said the prayer...I said, "Thank you, God for giving ______ great abs."

And I although I didn't really feel it...I was surprisingly actually able to think about reasons why it would be beneficial for her to have those great abs AND that was certainly something I was not expecting. 

I am quite amazed at how just choosing to start behaving in a way that I wanted to think and celebrating those successes, has begun a change in me and is certainly helping me recover from my battle with jealousy.

I am sure it will be a challenge throughout my life but I feel like I now have a tool to use to fight this and not just try to think better thoughts.

It is all about celebrating the successes...